Secret Love
by Guile
Summary: See Zoro. See Zoro watch Zoro's secret love. See Zoro angst. Angst, Zoro, angst.
1. Knock on Wood

Zoro stepped on-deck, and there she was. Just as he'd known she would be. Not that he was stalking her, or anything. It was just that she spent most nights up here, staring out at the ocean. His bare feet whispered over the wooden deck as he slipped forward until he stood beside her, leaning against the railing. He wasn't trying to sneak, but a decade of training made some things as automatic as breathing.

She didn't say a word of greeting, but she did make room for him to join her at the stern, and that was enough for him.

"Hey." The word broke the silence of the night the way Luffy broke records for speed-eating. Zoro soldiered on bravely. "Couldn't sleep?" He was sure he caught her watching him out of the corner of her eye, but she didn't answer, just kept staring at the choppy waves. He knew she was a woman of few words, but this was ridiculous: there might as well have been a beautiful, serene statue leaning there. He probably would have gotten better conversation out of the statue.

Not giving himself time to talk himself out of it, he wrapped an arm around her pseudo-casually. Despite his best efforts, the lightest of blushes darkened his face. And though she wasn't "swooning into his arms like a delicate blossom," like the Love Cook had assured him, she wasn't drawing away, either. And Zoro would take what he could get.

Though he'd rather die a thousand deaths and see the world explode in an enormous fireball than see a hint of it pass his lips, maybe Sanji knew what he was talking about, after all. "Well." Zoro gathered his wandering thoughts to him. "If you don't feel like talking... just listen, and I'll talk."

"So... look. I like you a lot. I have for a while. Might be love... I don't know. You listen to me, you're intelligent... trustworthy. Courageous. Solid. And I mean that as a compliment. You don't give up." He gave her a light squeeze. "I have a dream that I won't give up on. I'll follow that dream until I succeed, or I break under the weight of it. Just like all of us. Just like you."

"So I need to concentrate on that, for now. Anything else will distract me from that dream." He gave her a careful pat, before withdrawing the arm. "After that's over... if you still want... one day..." He straightened self-consciously and added, "then let me know."

The Demon Roronoa, also called Pirate Hunter, walked - not run - below decks.

The Going Merry figurehead continued to gaze into the night.

---

Yes, this pairing is Zoro/Figurehead. So what?

Don't judge me.

I might actually make a series out of this, if I feel like it. Zoro fights Luffy for Figurehead's honor. Usopp tries to stand between them when they declared their love. Love and intrigue on the high seas, and of course, lots of hot Zoro-on-Figurehead action. Coming soon! ... Or maybe not.


	2. Zoro is ANGRY!

Zoro was angry. Furious. Enraged. Livid.

He flipped through his thesaurus for a moment, before continuing his mental rant.

Irate. Cross. Really Cheesed Off. He could be said to be literally _angry_ with rage. And why? Because he had to watch this... this _disgraceful_ display. This _mockery_ of his feelings.

Luffy rolled over and stretched out onto the Going Merry's figurehead. He gave it an absent-minded pat before drifting off to sleep again.

Zoro seethed.

---

Zoro was not acting normal, and this concerned his captain. He wasn't sleeping, or drinking beer, or training, or stabbing things. And that was what Zoro did. Instead, Zoro was stalking back and forth on the deck, like a caged thing. Like a... a tiger. Or a wallabee. Or something. He picked at his food. He didn't sleep.

Thus the concern over wallabee-Zoro's behavior.

A Zoro that was not stabbing things was not a happy Zoro, and Luffy liked seeing his nakama happy.

It was on the third day of this unusual behavior that wallabee-Zoro snapped.

---

Luffy was sitting on his usual perch at the prow of the ship, gazing out onto the vast blue sea, and thinking deep thoughts. Most of which revolved around finding a way to get past Sanji's many and varied defenses of the meat locker.

He'd just thought of a way to get past the super-big mousetrap Sanji had set up last time (where did he buy human-sized mousetraps, anyway?) when Zoro stalked up, grabbed him by his vest, and slammed him into a convenient wall, shaking the entire boat and leaving a Luffy-sized indent.

Their navigator shouted curses and epithets and threats of castration from inside the ship, but neither paid it any mind. Zoro leaned in, his face inches from Luffy's, and hissed intensely, "She doesn't love you."

Luffy trumped Zoro's intensity with pure cluelessness. "Who? Nami?"

"No."

"Robin?"

"No."

"Usopp?"

"What?"

"What?"

"No."

Zoro pulled Luffy out of his perch in the wall, and slammed him back in to punctuate his next sentence: "You _know_ who I mean." Nami's threats of castration were joined by Usopp's shrill cries to 'leave the ship out of this.' Zoro's eyes were wild with manly passion. "I tried to do the right thing, the noble thing... but she torments me so. I must have her!"

He dragged the rubber man out of his little hole in the wall, and pointed toward's Luffy's usual seat. "Look at her. So innocent, and yet, so sensual. So alluring. I cannot help myself!" Luffy finally seemed to understand where Zoro was going with this, and set his chin obstinately. "So, you want my special seat? _Never_, you mutinous dog!"

Zoro paused.

"Luffy, do you know what 'mutinous' means?"

"Nuh uh. I think Shanks said it once."

Zoro thought for a moment. "Fine, then, Luffy! You think that just because you're the Captain, you can chain her to you? She wants to be free! I will take her from you, by force if necessary!"

He seethed his way back below-decks to plan.

Luffy, not caring in the least, wandered off towards the kitchen.

Usopp's head (attached to the rest of Usopp's body, thank goodness) popped out of the crow's nest, staring at where the two crewmates had gone. "What the _hell_ was that?"

---

And so closes another chapter in Zoro's tale of Secret Love. Thanks to Thermopylae and the rest of those who reviewed for giving me the will necessary to keep working with this silly, silly idea. And just so it doesn't blindside you guys... Zoro is just going to get more and more OOC as this thing goes on. You know what they say: Love makes you crazy, sometimes.

Stay tuned next time, when Usopp confronts Zoro about his fixation!


	3. You're Not Her REAL Father!

Zoro was hiding in the guys'collective bedroom and putting the finishing touches on his cunning master plan (tentatively titled: 'Beat Up Luffy And Take The Figurehead'), when Usopp confronted him. "So. Uh, Zoro. You're, uh... in love, eh?" Zoro looked at him suspiciously, suspecting a Luffy spy. "Yes."

"With, uh... the figurehead."

"Call her Marianne."

"Marianne."

"Yeah."

Usopp chewed on that for awhile. Long enough, in fact, for Zoro to write two angsty haikus and one sonnet in Marianne's honor before the sharpshooter broke his silence. "Yeah, okay, I'll ask." He looked deeply into Zoro's eyes. "Zoro... what the _fuck_ are you smoking?"

Zoro glared at him. "Me and Marianne share something special, Usopp. We're kindred spirits, and I love her. I don't expect you to understand."

Usopp shook his head. "I'm sorry, I must have had something crazy in my ear. Did you just say... I mean, how would you..." He shuddered, images of hot Zoro-on-Figurehead love ranging through his head. Why was there never a drill handy when a man needed to get the evil thoughts out of his head?

"Whatever. Look, Kaya gave me this ship. I'm not about to let you..." Words failed him. "Look, just don't, okay?"

"Usopp," he snarled, his eyes brimming with manly tears. "You can't stop us! _Our love is like rain!_"

The sharpshooter mouthed that last line to himself, trying to figure out what it was supposed to mean, but Zoro rode right over him. Verbally, that is.

"And anyway, you can't tell us what to do! You're not her _real_ father! You're just trying to keep us apart!"

Zoro ran out of the room in tears.

Usopp shook his head. It had to be drugs. Poor, poor Zoro.

---

Short one this time, I'm afraid. Next up, Zoro cries into Sanji's manly bosom. Angst ahoy!


	4. Happy Clams

Sanji was cooking.

He wasn't a complex man. All he needed in life was some hungry bellies to feed, a girl (or two, or three... he wasn't picky) to chase, and occasionally some ass to kick, and he was as happy as a clam.

Sanji slid a knife into the clam in his hand, popped it open skillfully, dug out the soft innards, and dropped them into the fryer, before letting the empty husk drop, unnoticed and uncared for and forgotten, to the floor, to join its bretheren that had already shared the same fate.

Yes, happy, happy clams.

---

Sanji was just about done preparing a light repast of fried clam strips for the two delicate flowers of womanhood above-deck (Usopp and Chopper, of course. Who did you think he was referring to?) when Zoro barrelled into the kitchen and latched onto him while wailing about true love and soaking his (custom-made, specially tailored) jacket and silk shirt with tears and possibly other bodily fluids.

Sanji debated. He could either snap the swordsman's neck like a twig for having the temerity to slightly damage his appearance, or he could lend the poor man a shoulder to cry on, and possibly get some good blackmail material for later.

Thankfully for our readers, Sanji decided against neck-snapping, which would have made this story considerably shorter.

"There there, poor boy," Sanji soothed. "What seems to be the matter? Here, have a clam strip."

Zoro took his clam strip thankfully and explained the situation. It seemed the poor fellow had found love, but Luffy - that cad - and her father were trying to throw a wrench into his plans. Sanji nodded sympathetically. "I know exactly how you feel, Zoro. There are those who say it's wrong for me to chase anything with a pair of ovaries. Who say I should content myself with chasing one at a time, even. Who say stalking is a jailable offense." Sanji leaped onto the table to better rail against Fate and imaginary critics. "Well, fie on them! Fie, I say! I'm only guilty of loving too much!"

He noticed Zoro was staring at him oddly. "Right... what were we talking about?" The pirate cook hopped down off the table, somewhat embarrassed. "Right, your problems. Hmm... give me a moment to think." Zoro nodded and munched on his clam. "Okay," Sanji said decisively. "Let's hear your plan so far."

Zoro sat straighter, and nodded again. "Well, here's how Operation: Beat Up Luffy And Take the Woman breaks down:

1. Beat up Luffy.

2. Take the woman.

3. Ride off into the sunset.

Thoughts? Suggestions?"

Sanji considered thoughtfully. "Okay, I'm seeing a small flaw or two with your plan. One: You might be able to beat Luffy, if you're having a good day, but you could just as easily end up getting your face punched in. Two: No horse to ride. Three: We're on a pirate ship in the middle of the Grand Line." Several suspicious thoughts made themselves known to the Love Cook. "Wait... we're on a ship. The only two women on this ship are Nami-chan and Robin-san."

Sanji's one visible eye glinted dangerously. "You wouldn't be trying to take Nami-chan or Robin-san from me, are you? Because if you are, I'm going to lace your next meal with arsenic."

"No, no," Zoro explained. "You're welcome to those two. I only have eyes for one woman." Zoro-In-Love only has three settings: He'd left the Hysterical phase behind him with Usopp, bypassed the Maudlin phase entirely, and settled on the Impassioned phase without a hitch. He grabbed Sanji's meticulously pressed collar and dragged him close in order to better shout into his face. "She swims in my blood now! I must have her!"

"Have you thought about simply confronting Luffy and working towards -"

Zoro dropped him like a sack of Sanji-shaped potatoes. "Yes! It's so obvious, now!" The swordsman wheeled, and ran out of the kitchen, intent on confronting Luffy.

"... a mutually... satisfying..." Sanji looked at the slowly swinging door that was all that was left of Zoro. "Right..."

Abruptly, he jerked as if he had been struck by lightning. "Oh _no!_" he wailed. "I forgot all about Nami-chan and Robin-san!"

"It's been," he checked his watch. "Almost two hours since I last waited on them! What if they _needed something_, and I wasn't there to get it for them? They could be..." his mind struggled for the appropriate words. "_Hungry!_ Or _bored!_ Or..."

He very nearly crumpled under the weight of his shame, but there was no time for that now! "Robin-swaaan! Nami-chwaaaan! I'm comiiiiing!"

---

Ahh, good ol' Sanji. Next: Zoro and Luffy battle for the gorgeous Marianne! Oh, the horror! Oh, the ignomy! Oh, teh angst!


	5. The Twist

Zoro, fresh from his heart-to-heart with Sanji, burst onto deck, accompanied by a scream of rage and a shower of splinters. He was far too full of passion to let a little thing like a closed door stop him, and in his current frame of mind, it was much easier to crash through it than to work the knob. On the way to confront that thief of hearts (better known as 'Luffy'), he passed a crying Usopp on his way to get his tools and extra plywood, but paid him no mind.

"YOU!" He roared, pointing at Luffy.

_"You!"_ His captain returned.

Zoro, enraged by his rival's wit, drew his swords. _Now,_ he thought. _Something witty and clever to say, something that will capture Marianne's heart, and make her mine._ But what emerged from his mouth was... "There once was a man named Gold Roger - wait. Do over," he called. _Crap, that had nothing to the situation at hand. Something better, something better... curse you, Sanji, for putting me in this situation!_

"Thirty-six earthly desires..."

"You used that one already," Luffy pointed out.

"Zoro stab! Zoro stab _now!_" _Not exactly what I was going for, but it'll do._

Zoro lunged at the rubber-man, swords at the ready.

- - -

Nami sipped at her strawberry fruit drink with a quiet sigh of contentment, as Sanji gleefully waited on her. "Are you comfortable, Nami-swan? Would you like for me to get you a pillow? Or another drink? Maybe... a massage?"

"Well," she asked cutely. "Maybe some more fried clam?"

"Right away, Nami-swan!" Sanji sang happily as he went to slave and toil for her in the galley.

She slurped at her drink as she watched Zoro and Luffy tear into each other in a glorious ultimate battle, as life and love hung in the balance. "I wonder why Zoro suddenly started being crazy?" she wondered aloud.

"Oh," Sanji said from behind her, clams in hand. "That's because of the cactus."

Nami briefly pondered the whether Sanji had actually cooked those clams in less than three minutes, or if he'd had another batch waiting in the wings. Then, his words actually registered on the navigator. "Cactus?"

Sanji's head bobbed. "Yes. You remember those cacti in Arabasta that made Luffy hallucinate? I stocked some before we left, and fed it to Zoro awhile back as a joke."

"That is a good joke, Sanji," Nami admitted. "But Zoro's craziness is starting to keep me away from more important things, like drawing my map. Is there some way to snap him out of it?"

Sanji contemplated. "Well, I _do_ have that vial of universal antidote... I was saving it in case you or Robin-chwan contracted some sickness. It'd be almost criminal to use it on Zoro."

Nami smiled at him sweetly. "Would you do it, though? For me?"

Sanji immediately went into sensory overload, even as he went to do her bidding.

"Mellorine, mellorine!"

- - -

A/N:Nefarious plot twist ahoy!Next chapter will likely be the last, and you probably shouldn't expect it for a few weeks.

Ah, finals, you be a cruel mistress...

Next! Zoro comes to his senses! Such as they are.


	6. Triumph of Love

Zoro was dodging a Gomu Gomu Pistol and preparing to retaliate, when a boot found the back of his head. The crash of his head making a crater in the deck was nicely accentuated by the wails of their sharpshooter as yet more of the Going Merry was demolished.

"Eh?" Luffy cocked his head. "Hello Sanji! Is it dinner time yet?"

"Not for another hour," Sanji told the bottomless hole that masqueraded as a human being. "Just giving Zoro the antidote." Usopp's lamentations cut off in mid-wail as he asked the obvious question. "What's the antidote for?"

"For the hallucinogens I fed him," Sanji explained blithely before shoving the amber liquid down the swordsman's throat.

Usopp was stunned. "That's really - "

"Hilarious?" Sanji inserted.

"Yeah! That's the word I was looking for exactly!"

Sanji lit up. "I know." He smoked a moment in silence.

Zoro lit up also. With rage. "Ero cook! Kill!" he shouted, still in caveman-Zoro mode.

The Going Merry crew was then treated to the sight of Zoro and Sanji battling to the death.

Again.

- - -

Zoro silently slipped out of his hammock, accompanied by the various snores of his bunkmates. He stealthily made his way to the deck, and crept up behind her. He wrapped an arm around her and murmured, "Don't worry. They don't suspect a thing."

The swordsman and the figurehead gazed into the night.

- - -

A/N: You didn't really expect me to keep those two star-crossed lovers apart, did you? And thus ends my first foray into the world of One Piece. Ahead of schedule, too.

I've already got another couple of ideas swimming around in my brain (probably with less OOC Straw Hats. But hey, who knows?).We'll have to see how it turns out.


End file.
